If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
