I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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