this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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