I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
