I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize