Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
