he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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