I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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