the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just want to make out with him forever
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
