What did we do last night that was yellow?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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