I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
