No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
