let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
