oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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