Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
