Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
