I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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