I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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