I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize