Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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