so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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