carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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