Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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