I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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