What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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