What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize