Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
