More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
