I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What did we do last night that was yellow?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
