Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
