i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize