My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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