dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
