pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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