Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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