I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
