Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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