Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Found the puke drawer
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
