Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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