someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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