If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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