So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
