I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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