roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My ass is underappreciated
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
