i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
