Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
