You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
