My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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