Who wears a wallet chain?!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
