Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You need Xanax blowdarts
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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