he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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