so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
