she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
