mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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