i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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