the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
