Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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