Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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