She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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