I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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