ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
