my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
