Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
