:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
