I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
