Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
