either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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