That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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